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Game Of Thrones Recap Season 8 Episode 1: Jon Snow Finds Out

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After years upon years of listening to “winter is coming”, properly mates it’s lastly bloody right here. Not the season, however the present. Recreation Of Thrones. Season eight, to be exact. The very thrilling final season that we’ve been patiently ready for since 2017.

The present premiered right now and truthfully, think about the lives of these individuals who have defiantly refused to observe it for all this time. They’re not going to listen to about anything for literal months. And I don’t even really feel dangerous! It’s a social phenomenon guys, simply bloody watch it?

Swipe to shut

Anyway, over right here at PEDESTRIAN.TV we’re going to be writing rather a lot about it, and me (Josie, Head of Editorial) and Mel (Senior Type/Options Editor) will probably be recapping it as a result of we gained’t shut up ever, so why not channel that into our work.

So let’s kick issues off with the large return to Westeros, diving in dick-first with the keenness of Bronn when he spots the native brothel.

JOSIE: Right here we’re for an additional episode of Bachelor In Paradise! I see the climate has actually turned in Fiji… lol jokes we’re in Winterfell, clearly. I’ve to say as somebody who didn’t rewatch something and my final expertise of GoT was 185 years in the past when S7 aired, it took me solely a few minutes to get my bearings. Clearly, this was Daenerys‘ (Emilia Clarke) huge debut up North after Jon (Package Harington) bent the knee (and different physique elements) to her final season.

MEL: I’ve to say that was an excellent method to begin the ultimate season we’ve waited 84 years for. Somebody stated on Fb at the moment that it was 660 days or one thing? Outrageous.

us ready for this fucking present to return

However this present might (and did) do it. I liked seeing everybody march into Winterfell – and see Arya (Maisie Williams) reacting to The Hound (Rory McCann), Gendry (Joe Dempsie), Jon, Daenerys. Actually, at this level we’re all so invested in these characters and seeing them stroll in united was a fucking temper. In saying that – guys, the White Walkers have damaged via the Wall, only a thought – perhaps sufficient processioning and a few extra prepping for battle.

JOSIE: YES, can I simply say actually the primary observe I made whereas watching was how concerning the face on Arya when she noticed Gendry! I really feel bizarre prepared them to bang as a result of are they 12? But in addition in a really possible way, please for the love of all that’s good and holy, get your leg over, please.

if you’ve been busy murdering everybody however then u keep in mind BOYS EXIST

And I agree, there actually was a number of very prolonged pomp and circumstance contemplating there’s a really urgent challenge regarding a military of undead individuals and a fucken undead DRAGON about to swarm you. Talking of dragons, everybody in Winterfell was fairly shook by them. Even Arya stopped mentally undressing Gendry lengthy sufficient to be in awe of them.

MEL: I really feel the flirty vibes from Arya however although she have to be a minimum of 15/16 now she nonetheless appears naive, her flirting with Gendry was me on the Yr 10 formal asking the guitarist within the native band that performed if he would signal my water bottle.

JOSIE: I ship it, and I ship it exhausting.

MEL: In the meantime, the dragons – they’ve gotten QUITE giant and portly since we final noticed them, proper? Like I do know Sansa (Sophie Turner) was involved concerning the Unsullied, Dothraki, “The Lannister’s” (lol let’s get to that later) and all of the Northern armies descending on Winterfell once they have zero.002 sauso sangas to go round, however mate I feel these dragons have been hoovering up loads of deer on their journey North, simply saying.

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recaphey Drogon does my butt look massive on this dingy Winterfell sky

Talking of the dragons let’s briefly leap forward as a result of FUCKING YEAHHHH WE GOT TO SEE JON SNOW RIDE ONE! Journey that fiery boi you huge King of the Seven Kingdoms!

Game OF Thrones Episode 1 Recap“I’d quite journey you Dany lololol”

Additionally has he obtained some factor with fucking in waterfall caves? I feel he does. Anyway that was a unbelievable scene that additionally appeared exceptionally costly to movie. Additionally how’s how they have been about to go to Bonetown in entrance of Daenerys’ youngsters aka the dragons? That was fucking awkward.

cease taking a look at me you huge scaly perv

JOSIE: Yessss I do know I squealed when he obtained on prime of that dragon. If there’s two issues I needed him to experience on this episode it was a) dragons and b) Dany. Sorry Dany however you come second right here! It was a very cool scene however sure part of me needed bulk cave intercourse, am I mistaken to crave that. I really feel just like the dragons have been very judgey of the unintentional incest unfolding earlier than them.

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recapactually? proper in entrance of my deer salad?

In the meantime, on the subject of Sansa being all harassed about groceries, she additionally appeared fairly burdened about Daenerys, didn’t she? Like fuck, Sansa, Arya and even that delightfully sassy Three-year-old Lyanna Mormont (Bella Ramsey) weren’t very bought on Jon’s new scorching blonde gf. The entire episode performed out like a really awkward “woman meets the household and associates and retains pissing them off” state of affairs. Even with Sam (John Bradley) afterward: “Oh, hello, Sam is it? Sorry doll, I truly executed your loved ones. Anyway, so good to satisfy youuuuu!”

MEL: Omggg that Sam scene was an excessive amount of for me. Additionally, controversial however I simply don’t care. His dad was a bit of shit racist bigot and his brother was a weak fool. Sam! Who cares! Now you don’t should get in hassle for sword theft.

JOSIE: I do know! At first I used to be like “….Is he comfortable?” however then it appeared Sam was truly unhappy. Oh properly! Sam, you don’t want your dad and brother bringing you down, you ought to be fucking grateful, actually.

MEL: And again to Sansa, she shouldn’t be bought on Dany. When Dany launched herself, Sansa’s face was like “yeah no matter bitch I can already sense you and my brother are fucking, don’t fake you’re right here on enterprise child.”

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recapoh please I can odor the creepy aunt ALL over you

Additionally, I can’t think about the Northerners will even come round to her if she marries Jon, which is what Davos (Liam Cunningham) was suggesting to Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Varys (Conleth Hill).

JOSIE: Can we speak about how Cersei’s Hand (what even is that bloke’s identify I’ve forgotten because the present final aired in 1956) was like “I’ve horrible information, the lifeless have damaged via the Wall”. He stated it with about as a lot urgency as I say to you “Mel I’ve horrible information, I can’t play netball tomorrow night time so that you’ll should fill wing defence”. He was so informal about it? Seems she didn’t give a fuck anyway although as a result of she’s Cersei (Lena Headey) and all the time has nefarious wine-fuelled plans on the boil.

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recap“simply thought I ought to flag that the world goes to finish in zero.5 seconds, don’t stress tho”

MEL: Cersei has modified from solely giving a shit about her household and her energy, to actually solely caring about energy. Proper? I can’t consider she’s ordered Bronn (Jerome Flynn) to kill Tyrion AND Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). Unbelievable areas.

JOSIE: I KNOW! Poor Bronn, he’s undoubtedly mates with Tyrion, and is a frenemies with Jaime. So this can be a huge ask for him. I personally don’t assume he’ll do it as a result of he’s too good an individual. Even for a standard hitman.

MEL: Additionally can’t consider she boned the second most friend-zoned human in Westeros, Euron Greyjoy (Pilou Asbæk). She went from wanting like she had poo beneath her nostril every time he spoke to her, to getting freaky. She’s actually dedicated to this alliance, clearly. Even when he… isn’t.

JOSIE: I assumed it was hysterical how sexy the Creepy Seafaring Man (as I had referred to as Euron in my notes as a result of I forgot his identify) was for her and she or he was solely sexy for elephants. Even after she let him get his leg over, she was nonetheless on about these elephants.

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recaponce you need elephants and all you get is Creepy Seafaring Dick

MEL: Additionally – has she acquired a child happening to Jaime or not? There’s theories everywhere in the store that she faked the being pregnant however I reckon it was legit and she or he’s making an attempt to move it off as Euron’s now. Gal’s gotta do what a gal’s gotta do.

JOSIE: Yeah he undoubtedly whispered one thing about placing a “Prince” in her “stomach” however truthfully I used to be nonetheless laughing concerning the elephants and didn’t hear it. She have to be making an attempt to move off her newest Incest Child as a Creepy Seafaring Child as an alternative.

MEL: Talking of these mouldy water people, Theon (Alfie Allen) rescuing Yara (Gemma Whelan) was phenom. Liked how she headbutted him and all was forgiven. True sibling bullshit proper there.

me, greeting my brother on christmas day

JOSIE: So Theon talks now! Wasn’t he nonetheless not talking final season? That was a pleasant change. I beloved how he’s like “Sis you’re my queen I’ll go wherever you need to go!” and she or he’s like “Yeah however you need to go to Winterfell, don’t you” and he’s like “…Yeah kinda, is that cool?”. Some basic sibling manipulation there too.

Temporary interlude to Bronn and his woman pals within the token attractive scene, I wasn’t fairly ready for a full-screen feminine butthole at 11.30am however I assume we’re watching GoT right here so I ought to have been half-expecting a minimum of one?

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recapand now again to our common sexy programming

Did you hear what the women stated about Ed Sheeran‘s character assembly a fiery finish? Hahahahaaaaa.

MEL: Hahahaha I missed that!! I didn’t realise it was about Ed Sheeran’s character, superb. Additionally how one of many women hit on Cersei’s Hand, and he’s like “poor woman, she’ll die of the pox inside the yr”. Basic burn from previous crusty doc man. We could return north? I nonetheless can’t recover from Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) The Three Eyed Raven. He’s like that bizarre cousin you’ve who joined a cult and now solely speaks in inspirational quotes and riddles.

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recap“time is a flat circle and so on”

JOSIE: He’s completely that awkward cousin that you simply can’t discover widespread floor with regardless that you’ve got tried for all 33 years of your life. Like, Jon was making an attempt to be heat and fuzzy and reunite with him and he’s all like “I’m not fairly a person” or no matter. Take the weirdness down a number of notches, Bran!

MEL: Yeah and when everybody’s having a pleasant reunion and Bran wheels in and is all “the White Walkers have damaged by way of the wall”. What a Debbie Downer! Though very right can everybody fucking shut up about Lords and Kings and simply get to creating these dragonglass axes with Gendry? He’s doing the Lord’s work, actually.

JOSIE: I understand how’s poor Gendry toiling away and Arya is available in all coquettishly utilizing him to make some weapon of mass destruction for her. Although I can’t wait to see who she slaughters with it. I’m guessing she has her eye on Cersei!

It was good to see Lord Pal Zone (Iain Glen) once more, all shiny and recent and greyscale free. Nonetheless a really pointless human since Dany won’t ever bang him, however good to see him all the identical.

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recapregardless of how shut you lurk behind her, it ain’t gonna occur mate

MEL: Yeah, Lord Good friend Zone is wanting good and wholesome. As is The Hound, I beloved his interplay with Arya. What even is their relationship at this level. Enemy? Estranged father determine?

JOSIE: I feel they fake to hate one another however are secretly moderately keen on one another as reluctant buddies. I all the time thought they’d make for an amazing zesty spin-off present the place they only traverse the lands bantering and infrequently sticking giant weapons by means of their enemies’ eye sockets. I’d watch the shit out of it.

game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recap“wanna kill some c*nts”Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recap“clearly sure”

MEL: I might completely watch that spin off. It undoubtedly has some bumbling goofy intro music teamed with them spearing out dangerous guys’ guts and trotting alongside on horses.

So I feel we’ve made it to THE three massive occasions of this episode – Jon discovering out he’s Aegon Targaryen and the rightful inheritor to the throne (o shit), my fave Tormund (Kristofer Hivju) and his gang discovering that fucked uppp human-made White Walker image, and Jaime making it to Winterfell. HOO. BOY.

JOSIE: Shiiitttt okay so let’s begin with Jon. So instantly after Jon’s new gf Dany drops the bomb about killing Sam’s fam, he runs off to Bran who’s like “Dude I’m NOT telling him, you need to do it! He’s not my fucken brother, he’s YOUR mate?!” and Sam’s like “Ugh high quality” after which truthfully I cringed into oblivion when Sam advised Jon.

whenever you discover out you’ve been bumping uglies together with your scorching aunt

However Jon appeared much less disgusted that he’d been sexing his aunt and extra involved that she’d be all threatened by him being the King, did you are feeling that?

MEL: I completely did. I feel Jon’s largest worry is that Daenerys goes to flip her lid when he tells her he’s the inheritor to the throne, not her. And he’s not likely one for verbal confrontation so he’d be shitting bricks about having to even do this. BUT he’s additionally all about what’s “proper” and shit so he’s completely going to say King, even when it’s reluctantly.

JOSIE: Sure, Jon is so fucken righteous, if he wasn’t such a babe it will be an enormous boner kill. He’ll completely do the suitable factor and be the rightful King after which it’s going to create HUGE points of their relationship. And he thought his two salty sisters can be his largest drama, lol. A part of me did need a “OMG GROSS SAM, I FUCKED HER” second nevertheless it was all ~political~ as an alternative. Dammit.

Now onto that bizarre abandoned citadel (?) or regardless of the fuck it was that Tormund and co have been testing. It was so goddamn darkish in there I used to be already creeped out and fearful for Tormund, who’s fabulous. After which they see that fricken lifeless KID on the wall. I screamed louder than it did and needed to apologise to the individuals within the subsequent assembly room.

Game Of Thrones Episode 1 Recapbizarre adorning flex however okay

MEL: I screamed so loud I feel the lodge employees on the place I’m staying thought I used to be being murdered. Fucking TERRIFYING when the child got here (lifeless)alive and screeched into oblivion. Additionally sorry the standard wights have been by no means that loud and obnoxious, he was going for max consideration there. Clearly the White Walkers additionally don’t thoughts a little bit of a time-waste, besides as an alternative of a procession it’s chopping limbs off and nailing lifeless youngsters to partitions in scary patterns. That’s the White Walker insignia proper? I can’t keep in mind. It undoubtedly is one thing vital to them.

JOSIE: At first I assumed it was the Octopus insignia of the the Creepy Seafaring Household, however it completely wasn’t. No matter it was, it and that horrendous screech have been fucken terrifying and I have to bleach my reminiscence so I can sleep tonight. Talking of screaming, did I scream when Jaime Lannister got here face-to-fucken-face with the child he pushed outta the window within the very first bloody episode? YES I DID.

whenever you realise the child you tried to kill is now a grown-ass cult member

I don’t need to sound like some Movie Research 101 wanker, however there was one thing so intelligent about concluding the primary episode of the final season with that second. Such a genius nod to the best way the very first episode ended.

MEL: Extraordinarily genius. Though we all know Bran is now Bizarre Hippie Cousin so it’s doubtless he’s simply all “that was not me, I’m not Bran and it subsequently doesn’t matter”. Orrr will he fake to be cool with Jaime after which sic his raven posse on him at an important hour? Basic Bran sew up!

JOSIE: I dunno, he appeared fairly pissed off. I’m voting raven posse and that they’ll decide at Jaime’s good-looking face till he’s only a cranium!

MEL: Anyway I’ll now be counting down the hours til episode 2, particularly as a result of I have to see Tyrion and Jaime reunite like I want a Valium after seeing that scary screaming wight-child!

For extra of Mel and Josie, take a look at our Bachelor in Paradise recaps and our true crime podcast, All Aussie Thriller Hour!

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HBO

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